Getting back in the saddle.

I haven't blogged for ages. Things have been muddled. A chaotic mind seems to lead to a chaotic life. I have regained 4 kilos this month, bad september. It is my birthday next month and i am hoping to be back under 134. Even if by just 100g. I need to find that focus that was with me when i began my journey.
So back to blogging, and making sure i log into my food diary every day. I have been slack with that for the last few weeks also. Funny how i manage to log my exercise cals though. Beginning on this path is hard and i will not give up now and find my hard work wasted.My exercise is better than ever before but i am struggling on the food side. Since i started i have not had such a problem. Where is the 'it's not worth it' attitude. Maybe thats what i should be saying to myself before i put something into my mouth. Do i really want this?

I have been listening to a song off Kelly Clarksons new album. It's called sober, but i find a few lines really apply to this journey...........

"And I don't know
I could crash and burn but maybe
At the end of this road I might catch a glimpse of me"

And that's the simple truth. I know a lot of people say they get surprised when they see themselves in a mirror or photo. That they are larger than they thought. Me too.
That is because deep down inside I don't feel like an obese person. Well, i have decided i am not, and soon my outside will reflect my inside.