Self sabotage

Self sabotage.....how do you figure out the causes behind it, so you can do your best to never do it again?

I have had a great week. Kept up my food diary and personal blogging, I feel good, my exercise has been good and my fluid has gone. The things i normally have to steel myself against i found easy to walk past. No potato chips, no dips...... I had potato chips in the house for the kids and i worried i might falter so i asked my hubby to take the pkt in his car so i wouldn't even be tempted. But it didn't matter.....i survived yesterday and even today without even touching them - though i did think of them today But today....... I faltered when i wasn't even walking down the same (metaphorical) street as my problem foods.

I went out to help my mother with the last of her shopping and to buy my girls some pretty hair things, and it's my turn to shout the coffees. Normally i have a skinny spicy chai latte, but i had one yesterday and the nutrition info was fresh in my mind so i decided that a flat skinny white would be better cal wise. My brother was with us and a tad hungry so i brought him a bowl of hot chips with gravy. My mother was picking from his bowl so i said i'd buy her some. She suggested i go halves with her and i agreed. To be honest, as soon as his food came out i was thinking the same thing, they smelled sooooo yummy.

So i was thinking, alright, i can save this. It was a small bowl, and we did go halves. If i went extra careful for the rest of the day i could salvage it. But then came crap fatty food for afternoon tea as well as dinner. WHY?

It's not the first time and it wont be the last. But i have no idea why i do these things. I mean, sure i know i doubt that i can really succeed, but there needs to be some other trigger.
I've stopped reading when i eat - my biggest downfall.
I've taken note of someone elses research about Stopping at the sigh. I notice this most of the time and stop when i do.

I'm seeing my mojo spark in the distance.....It's not close enough yet for me to be cartwheeling and splitting over but if i can get this under control.....well I may just win my battle.
What a thought.


xoxo
Thamlore

A belated blog

Ahhh, well. I can't say the weekend was a total disaster as i started Saturday of very well, but then it kind of all went down from there. A number of factors didn't help me out but i wont go into detail as i am not making excuses. all i will say is Damn, there went my new plan of attack.

I am keeping a home blog and food diary as well because i want to keep focus more this year and do a lot better.

I finally made it back to contours yesterday for the first time this year. I wasn't able to with school hols as hubby was working overtime, and the first week of school saw me trudging around various government departments organising passports and a replacement citizenship certificate. I was born in England and moved here when i was 6 months....I feel all Aussie but unfortunately my birth cert says differently and is not even recognised here anymore. So my first contours session. I was dissappointed with them a bit as there was no chasing me up wondering where i have been for a month and a bit like they say they will when you join, but in the end....this is up to me. The beginning of next month will be my 6 month anniversary. I never thought i'd ever join a gym (many kudos here to Nessandken for allowing me to use her as a buddy coz i was too chicken to try on my own ) and i was more aware of my muscles moving when my limbs did just before my break. I was so worried about how i would feel starting back up so i lowered the weights a little to reduce soreness the next day but other than that everything went fine. My cardio fitness was great. I was struggling which i was worried about (thank you wii fit free jogging) and today i feel fine

I didn't really eat enough yesterday. Only 1300 cals instead of my 1500 and i didn't eat back exercise cals so with contours and the extra walk plus jog i did my net cals were 700 ish.
I'll have to work on that.

I was however feeling very good with myself yesterday. It was the first day i didn't feel like i was trying to fill a bottomless pit. It's been like that for a few weeks now. I'm not sure if it was the tuna hit, the lower carbs (trying to cut down on the bread again) or just my water intake has finally kicked in. I have been hitting my water goals every single day for over a week now - not counting to 2 good days 1 bad day etc...., Who knows.....i was just glad that i went to bed proud of myself for the day.

Well, i'm off to todays gym session, but i'd just like to post here that my thoughts are with those affected by the bushfires, wether directly or indirectly. Please know that you have many people praying for you and yours, and for those with loved ones still missing....we pray you find them safe soon. (hugs)


xoxo
thamlore

I'm a victim....yayyyyy :)

*ahem*
Now the title is not something people are normally happy about, but this is something i am jumping for joy over.
I can't think of the exact name right now...not body dismorphia but the one to do with clothing sizes.

I've listened to quite a few people saying how they forget to buy smaller clothes, or think they wont fit them and i keep thinking 'i wish'.
But yesterday, i needed new underwear in a hurry.The pair i was wearing were slipping and sliding and i was going straight to the gym. So i popped into K-Mart, and being the scrooge i am when it comes to spending money on myself i wouldn't fork out the $17 for one pair of full brief undies in a 24-26 when i could get 2 pairs of size 20 for $8.99.
I figured i didn't need to wear them as full briefs, i could wear them under my stomach.

So i get to the gym, take my bag to the toilet and change. Low and behold, THEY FIT. All the way up like they are supposed to. Lets just say i had a super energetic gym session. My HR went off the contours chart even and i had to slow right down. I get home, brag to my mum and hubby and the kids but i make sure they know it doesn't mean much as underwear is stretchy.

So, I'm at the gym today and i notice a woman has a nice pair of pants that she tells the instructor she brought earlier in the week at K-Mart and i think i may pick myself up a pair. Firstly, i had to remind myself that i was no longer 26 and could legitmately fit a size 24....and then i started to wonder about my new underwear. Now i realised still that underwear is extra stretchy, but i had a size 22 pair of fitted pants in the back of the wardrobe that had been passed on from my mothers friend. I get home, wipe off the sweat....AND THEY FIT TOO!

So here i am, feeling like crap over the hols and not finding my mojo, when all i needed to do was try on a pair of pants to see that i have been succeeding, just quietly, and slow and steady.

OK, sorry for boring you with my underwear story. It's just something i thought i should put down so i can re-read again when needed

xoxo
Thamlore


P.S TGIF!!!!

P.P.S....i'm down another 800g this week, and i've been a lot more balanced in life, so even though i am still 3kg off of last Septembers lowest weight, I feel much better about my loss.

Sorting through the mess

Well, i have finally had enough.
I've slowly been putting on weight since last september....funnily enough around the time certain people came into my life that started needing all my time and energy.
I thought i could handle this spilt in my focus but it's time to bite the bullet and admit i can't.

So i'm extricating myself....not a clean break like would be best, but slowly and with as much politeness as i can manage.

It's time for me to put myself first again...or to be more specific, put my family first....because me being healthier is best for the whole family.

First free day

I woke up this morning, had a scraping of jam on a slice of toast as i had run out of oats and then took myself off to a super session.
I felt very lethargic re; the gym today. It may have something to do with staying up late with the hubby, but although i didn't put in quite as much 'oomph', i got the job done still.
It was the second hand book stall at the school today and for the first time since my eldest started i remembered to go and get her some books. A lot cheaper now that i have 2 at high school. Then i went out for a skinny, spicey chai latte.
By this time i was in the minus 3 hundred and something cals, so it was a good start to have my 'free day'.

It wasn't bad as far as free days go. I stopped counting the cals after the spicey chai, but i hope to 'abuse' my freedom less next Saturday.
Now to keep my willpower in control until then. It's something i haven't really been too forceful with in a while.

There's been a group therapy session in our main thread today, so all in all, i am feeling pretty good with myself.


Edit i don't feel as guilty today because of the mindset of a 'free day'

Have a good one.
Thamlore
Xoxo

re-learning the old things

So! I'm feeling a little out of control at the moment.
My gym sessions have fallen to 3-4 times a week (instead of 6).....i went today though. Too much crap associated with this time of year, the normal raising a family issues, plus a few mishaps involving my sons fractured arm and metal imbeded in my hubbys eye......well everyone has these times.
My food has been up and down. a couple of days good, then a bad one and lets start all over again.
Then there is reading a few things about regarding losing weight that just get you down sometimes. (no, i'm not talking about any car crashes on CK)

So i've been feeling pretty crappy. Will i ever get there??? you know how it goes.

Today i finished up at the gym when no-one else was about. So i started chatting to the trainer about where i am at, mentally.
She spoke to me about not concentrating on info others are given. All it does is put you in a negative frame of mind.
She told me that doing my workouts 3-4 times a weeks was fine for seeing results, especially as she sees how hard i work. (93 visits.....7 more and i get my name on the wall)
Now here comes the part i already knew, but was not good at practicing.....
Up my 3 meals a day to 5 smaller meals a day. I mean, we all know this but i really struggle to fulfill it.
Now i am not going into the specifics as we all know them, but today it just made sense.
She also brought up the 'naughty day' It was Saturdays for me and she told me to start them up again. This made sense as well.
in the beginning...... well i used to be good all week to have a few 'naughty' things on Saturday. Sometimes i struggled to get back on track for Sunday though and i even found some times when i skidded into Monday. Which is why i stopped doing it.
But now....with no day to look foward to i find that i have less reason to be good - if you know what i mean. So i keep slipping. There is no thought of....not today, wait until Saturday.
I'm going to try this until christmas and see how it goes.

For now my weight keeps bouncing around. Up a kilo or 2, down a kilo or 2. Hence not changing anything for a while
(please help me be good, please help me be good )
Fingers crossed
xoxo
Thamlore

Monday, 20th Oct 2008

Hi fellow bloggers

I know, it's been a while. I am half way into my 6 week challenge and i am doing well, but also struggling.

I've gained about 1.5 kilos since i started and lost 7 cms all over.
So here starts the convo with myself........
"hey, it's gotta be coz your building muscle."
'yeah, but you should be losing, not gaining"
"Plus, you are working those muscles and they need fluid to repair...hence weight gain-water weight gain"
Are you listening.....i should have lost a couple of kilos by now, i'm about 4 kilos behind!"
"You do realise you look like you've lost weight now....i mean, i can even tell"
"lost cm's, not weight!"

And now i have damaged myself. I let those pesky demons stop the wagon for me whilst i hopped off. Bad weekend, and i have another measurement session tomorrow. It's not looking good.
I'm hardly spending any time on CK. RL has kind of gotten busy for a bit. I know that always has me slipping a bit. I think some of my problem is that i CAN start to see a difference, and i get a little "ohhh, one won't hurt -you've done sooooo well"


mojo, come home.......i miss you