Quote of the week.

~What would you attempt if you knew you could not fail?

~ (I don't know)

With a little help from....

as well as.....

Who am i?

My photo
I'm a wife and a mother of 4. I began my 'journey' at 149+ kilos. 8 weeks ago i finally broke the magical barrier of 130 that had confounded me for so long and weighed in at 129.2. Stupid me though, i self sabotaged again and let family issues close me off to the world and i am now 134.6 again and rareing to do anything it takes to get back into new territory.

Friday, February 13, 2009

Changing habits.

Today i spoke to my mother and she talked me out of home made hotdogs that were planned for dinner. My first thought was that i always had a 'free meal' on friday night.
But without even going into the ....'well sometimes 'free friday night' slides into 'free saturday' then occasionally slides into 'free weekend'. I notice that my 'friday night is free' defence sounds very defensive! That must mean that somewhere in the damp, deep pit of my heart, i knew that she was right.

I must admit, i was planning to ignore her advice at first. I'd just un-burdened myself to her about yesterdays pigout and was still feeling low. And i had been looking forward to free friday since we had decided on a meal before shopping early in the week. But then, what she was saying started to hit home. I'd already had a bad day, dust myself off and move on.
I still managed to record a loss so i should be pleased and again....move on.

So i've taken her advice to heart and have already prepared my dinner, i'll have chicken salad with a small amount of lean bacon shredded up for a bit extra. Plus my favourite light dressing. Friday is also the day i allow myself a few glasses of something and mum agrees with me that i can still go ahead with that.

Now, to set the record straight......i don't live with my mother,.....she has no control over what i do and do not eat, but we have a very close relationship.

She's been very supportive of my weightloss and struggles. But i never really went into too many details with her because when i first began, she was a bit like....'None of such and such as there is too many carbs' etc.,...

But after feeling like a failure for a yo-yo effect last year, i realised things need to be different, and so i made another hopefully positive step today. I spoke to mum about my private journal, where i keep a copy of each days food intake , exercise and thoughts. I told her she could ask to see it anytime. As it will help me be more accountable. I had already told my hubby this, but i know he is less likely to do so. So i feel very proud of myself today.

I have given myself a star, for the first 3 days of this week as my eating and nutritional budget was looking good. But today is the first day of my refocused self that i have made a positive change to be proud of. And with a loss of 2.4kg this week, plus todays workout already under my belt,today feels like a much easier day to be living healthy.


Thursday, February 12, 2009

Self sabotage

Self sabotage.....how do you figure out the causes behind it, so you can do your best to never do it again?

I have had a great week. Kept up my food diary and personal blogging, I feel good, my exercise has been good and my fluid has gone. The things i normally have to steel myself against i found easy to walk past. No potato chips, no dips...... I had potato chips in the house for the kids and i worried i might falter so i asked my hubby to take the pkt in his car so i wouldn't even be tempted. But it didn't matter.....i survived yesterday and even today without even touching them - though i did think of them today But today....... I faltered when i wasn't even walking down the same (metaphorical) street as my problem foods.

I went out to help my mother with the last of her shopping and to buy my girls some pretty hair things, and it's my turn to shout the coffees. Normally i have a skinny spicy chai latte, but i had one yesterday and the nutrition info was fresh in my mind so i decided that a flat skinny white would be better cal wise. My brother was with us and a tad hungry so i brought him a bowl of hot chips with gravy. My mother was picking from his bowl so i said i'd buy her some. She suggested i go halves with her and i agreed. To be honest, as soon as his food came out i was thinking the same thing, they smelled sooooo yummy.

So i was thinking, alright, i can save this. It was a small bowl, and we did go halves. If i went extra careful for the rest of the day i could salvage it. But then came crap fatty food for afternoon tea as well as dinner. WHY?

It's not the first time and it wont be the last. But i have no idea why i do these things. I mean, sure i know i doubt that i can really succeed, but there needs to be some other trigger.
I've stopped reading when i eat - my biggest downfall.
I've taken note of someone elses research about Stopping at the sigh. I notice this most of the time and stop when i do.

I'm seeing my mojo spark in the distance.....It's not close enough yet for me to be cartwheeling and splitting over but if i can get this under control.....well I may just win my battle.
What a thought.


Tuesday, February 10, 2009

A belated blog

Ahhh, well. I can't say the weekend was a total disaster as i started Saturday of very well, but then it kind of all went down from there. A number of factors didn't help me out but i wont go into detail as i am not making excuses. all i will say is Damn, there went my new plan of attack.

I am keeping a home blog and food diary as well because i want to keep focus more this year and do a lot better.

I finally made it back to contours yesterday for the first time this year. I wasn't able to with school hols as hubby was working overtime, and the first week of school saw me trudging around various government departments organising passports and a replacement citizenship certificate. I was born in England and moved here when i was 6 months....I feel all Aussie but unfortunately my birth cert says differently and is not even recognised here anymore. So my first contours session. I was dissappointed with them a bit as there was no chasing me up wondering where i have been for a month and a bit like they say they will when you join, but in the end....this is up to me. The beginning of next month will be my 6 month anniversary. I never thought i'd ever join a gym (many kudos here to Nessandken for allowing me to use her as a buddy coz i was too chicken to try on my own ) and i was more aware of my muscles moving when my limbs did just before my break. I was so worried about how i would feel starting back up so i lowered the weights a little to reduce soreness the next day but other than that everything went fine. My cardio fitness was great. I was struggling which i was worried about (thank you wii fit free jogging) and today i feel fine

I didn't really eat enough yesterday. Only 1300 cals instead of my 1500 and i didn't eat back exercise cals so with contours and the extra walk plus jog i did my net cals were 700 ish.
I'll have to work on that.

I was however feeling very good with myself yesterday. It was the first day i didn't feel like i was trying to fill a bottomless pit. It's been like that for a few weeks now. I'm not sure if it was the tuna hit, the lower carbs (trying to cut down on the bread again) or just my water intake has finally kicked in. I have been hitting my water goals every single day for over a week now - not counting to 2 good days 1 bad day etc...., Who knows.....i was just glad that i went to bed proud of myself for the day.

Well, i'm off to todays gym session, but i'd just like to post here that my thoughts are with those affected by the bushfires, wether directly or indirectly. Please know that you have many people praying for you and yours, and for those with loved ones still missing....we pray you find them safe soon. (hugs)


I'm a victim....yayyyyy :)

Now the title is not something people are normally happy about, but this is something i am jumping for joy over.
I can't think of the exact name right now...not body dismorphia but the one to do with clothing sizes.

I've listened to quite a few people saying how they forget to buy smaller clothes, or think they wont fit them and i keep thinking 'i wish'.
But yesterday, i needed new underwear in a hurry.The pair i was wearing were slipping and sliding and i was going straight to the gym. So i popped into K-Mart, and being the scrooge i am when it comes to spending money on myself i wouldn't fork out the $17 for one pair of full brief undies in a 24-26 when i could get 2 pairs of size 20 for $8.99.
I figured i didn't need to wear them as full briefs, i could wear them under my stomach.

So i get to the gym, take my bag to the toilet and change. Low and behold, THEY FIT. All the way up like they are supposed to. Lets just say i had a super energetic gym session. My HR went off the contours chart even and i had to slow right down. I get home, brag to my mum and hubby and the kids but i make sure they know it doesn't mean much as underwear is stretchy.

So, I'm at the gym today and i notice a woman has a nice pair of pants that she tells the instructor she brought earlier in the week at K-Mart and i think i may pick myself up a pair. Firstly, i had to remind myself that i was no longer 26 and could legitmately fit a size 24....and then i started to wonder about my new underwear. Now i realised still that underwear is extra stretchy, but i had a size 22 pair of fitted pants in the back of the wardrobe that had been passed on from my mothers friend. I get home, wipe off the sweat....AND THEY FIT TOO!

So here i am, feeling like crap over the hols and not finding my mojo, when all i needed to do was try on a pair of pants to see that i have been succeeding, just quietly, and slow and steady.

OK, sorry for boring you with my underwear story. It's just something i thought i should put down so i can re-read again when needed


P.S TGIF!!!!

P.P.S....i'm down another 800g this week, and i've been a lot more balanced in life, so even though i am still 3kg off of last Septembers lowest weight, I feel much better about my loss.