Quote of the week.

~What would you attempt if you knew you could not fail?

~ (I don't know)

With a little help from....

as well as.....

Who am i?

My photo
I'm a wife and a mother of 4. I began my 'journey' at 149+ kilos. 8 weeks ago i finally broke the magical barrier of 130 that had confounded me for so long and weighed in at 129.2. Stupid me though, i self sabotaged again and let family issues close me off to the world and i am now 134.6 again and rareing to do anything it takes to get back into new territory.

Monday, November 30, 2009

BMI notes

I'm working on my BMI goals so i'm doing some online calcs and here are my notes :)

Original weight:
You have a BMI of 56.89.

BMI is over 40 (Obese Class 3 : Morbid Obesity)
With a BMI of 40+ you have an extremely high risk of weight-related disease and premature death. Indeed, you may have already been suffering from a weight-related condition. For the sake of your health it is very important to see your doctor and get specialists help for your condition.

Weight now:
You have a BMI of 50.6.

BMI is over 40 (Obese Class 3 : Morbid Obesity)
With a BMI of 40+ you have an extremely high risk of weight-related disease and premature death. Indeed, you may have already been suffering from a weight-related condition. For the sake of your health it is very important to see your doctor and get specialists help for your condition.

To be out of the 50's:(130)
You have a BMI of 49.54.

To be under 45: (118)
You have a BMI of 44.96

To be out of the 40's & different BMI range:(104)
You have a BMI of 39.63.

BMI is between 35-39.99 (Obese Class 2)
If you have a BMI of 35-39.99 your risk of weight-related health problems and even death, is severe. See your doctor and reduce your weight to a lower BMI.

To be under 35 & a different BMI range:
You have a BMI of 34.67.

BMI is between 30-34.99 (Obese Class 1)
Individuals with a BMI of 30-34.99 are in a physically unhealthy condition, which puts them at risk for serious ilnesses such as heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure, gall bladder disease, and some cancers. This holds especially true if you have a larger than recommended Waist Size. These persons would benefit greatly by modifying their lifestyle. Ideally, see your doctor and consider reducing your weight by 5-10 percent. Such a weight reduction will result in considerable health improvements.

To be out of the 30's & out of the obese range:
You have a BMI of 29.72.

BMI is between 25 and 29.9 (Overweight)
Persons falling in this BMI range are considered overweight and would benefit from finding healthy ways to lower their weight, such as diet and exercise. Individuals who fall in this range are at increased risk for a variety of ilnesses. If your BMI is 27-29.99 your risk of health problems becomes higher. In a recent study an increased rate of blood pressure, diabetes and heart disease was recorded at 27.3 for women and 27.8 for men. It may be a good idea to check your Waist Circumference and compare it with the recommended limits.

To be in a healthy weight range:
You have a BMI of 24.77.

BMI is between 18.5 and 24.9 (Normal Weight)
People whose BMI is within 18.5 to 24.9 possess the ideal amount of body weight, associated with living longest, the lowest incidence of serious ilness, as well as being perceived as more physically attractive people than persons with BMI in higher or lower ranges. However, it may be a good idea to check your Waist Circumference and keep it within the recommended limits.

I don't know if i'll get down to the normal range. Right now i can't 'dream' past 80 and my main hopes are just for double digits, but i wanted to know what i am dealing with.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Finally done

So, i've finally copied all my old blogs and now i am going to pause in my perusals of other peoples blogs and see if i can find the spark in my own reflections.
Heres hoping i'll come out a little changed on the other side :)

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Quote of the week.

Obesity is a mental state, a disease brought on by boredom and disappointment.

~Cyril Connolly, The Unquiet Grave


I actually saw this quote last week and wanted to use it as my quote of the week but it needed some serious thought first.

The first part is very true in my case. I eat when i am bored. When there is nothing to do, i look to my cupboard and fridge. But even when i am reading a book or watching TV i find myself wanting to eat. I don't have to be hungry, i just want to.

So the next part....disappointment. Now because the first part is true does that mean the second part had to be as well?
I mean, i am not happy with the way i look and feel. I am not happy with struggling up stairs (my weakness) and not wanting to try things like rock climbing and white water rafting because i believe my weight will be a hinderence. But i have no clue what i could be disappointed about.

*Not going further in my dance studies? - Well if i wasn't disciplined enough to push on and find a new teacher instead of giving up after 3 hopeless ones ( my old one had to resign) then i wasn't disciplined enough to be a serious dancer.

*Not settling down young and giving up on my career idea of being a journalist - there were no second thoughts when i first found out i was pregnant. I wanted that child and suddenly journalism seemed unimportant.

What else have i wanted? Nothing. I have been with the father of my first child ever since and we now have 3 more children. Apart from wishing for more money, and lets face it......most of us do that, i have nothing to be disappointed about. But it really makes me wonder.......

The first week of October saw me finish my 6 week contours challenge on a high. I had just broken my mental threshold of 130.0 and weighed in at 129.2 and when my fitness mentor looked at me i did shed A tear but then whilst i was waiting to feel more emotion about reaching a goal i felt it was all forced. I also had some negative thoughts along the lines of 'about time' and 'so what'. In six weeks i had lost 5.9kilos and 36.5cms.
I finished my workout and went home and blogged my good news.

And then what happened? - i hear you say.......(well, i'm going to blog this info that i haven't wanted to spill because i am still harbouring venom and there are certain situations right round the corner that i will need to be pleasant at)

I found out a close (in relation, not in friendship) family member was feeding disgusting rumors about me to a third party who in turn told his daughter who is my my daughters best friend and the next thing you know, My daughter is crying her eyes out asking me why i am hippocritical when i advocate being your own self and not letting friends influence you for the worst or men change you for their ideals of better. Then she hit me with it....she had been told that i had tried to kill myself over some guy and a lot of other unprintable, unsavoury stuff. I was shocked, and i felt it explained some funny looks i had been getting lately and i was able to very easily explain that these things were untrue. The first thing i did was show her my scar free wrists. She told me her best friend was taunting her about rumours that could break up our family and i told her not to worry, that i had done nothing wrong and so these things must also be untrue and then i did something i had never wanted to do and asked her to stay away from her friend. After all, after countless times being asked to not say these things this girl could only respond with, 'well you need to know what kind of mother you have, i'm only trying to protect you'. 2 weeks later i had a knock on the door had the girls parent confronting me, and i was told who was saying these things. Now after 16 years i had had enough. I've had to deal with muck raking before and i let it roll off my back but this time i took it all in and wallowed in it.

Was i such a bad person that it was my due to deal with stuff like this all the time? Was i such a horrible person that people could so easily believe this crap?

And 3 days of not being able to get to the gym because i was enjoying the last 3 days of school holidays doing family activities turned into 3 weeks of self pity and crap eating so that when i finally pulled myself up i spent another week of not going back to the gym because i was embarrassed that i had ruined all my hard work by putting 5 kilos back on. Finally, after realising it would just get worse i returned - shamefaced and less fit to struggle through the heat with getting myself on track again.

Two weeks later? My daughter is back to being friends with this girl but she is wiser now. I've lost 2 of the 5 kilos i put on, but i am struggling to stay motivated and i come across a little quote which makes me sit up and take notice....(remember the subject of this post? I know, i've wandered so far :P )

My wondering goes this way.

What am i disappointed in? I must be. There must be something buried deep down inside myself that i am blocking out because it helps me sabotage myself when i am going great by buying into all the crap and why wasn't i happy enough with my results before all this began? The month of October should never have happened, i could be 125 by now, but i sabotaged myself.


Monday, November 23, 2009

Water intake

I'm struggling to keep my water intake up at the moment. I am drinking 5-6 glasses a day but for this warm weather i need to be drinking at least 8. I guess something to work on this week.

Another busy weekend......where did the time for relaxing go? Theres no chances now with the kids all in different sports. My food wasn't good this weekend. I have always been prone to slipping on the weekends. I need to come up with ideas for food that will keep me nourished and fighting fit, not to mention be portable, for these very busy times. As for today......time to get back on the wagon and not let a bad weekend ruin what can be a great week.


Thursday, November 19, 2009

Lillie Ross's Health Tip - 5/11/09

"Activity is Beneficial...
Even When You Do Only 10 Minutes at a Time"

As the busy holiday season approaches, it is
Most important that we NOT neglect our
activity (exercise) regimen. Yes, we know it
is difficult to find the time to fit it into
our busy lives.

We have mentioned before that you do not have
to find time to complete your activity in one
session during the day. According to the
University of California, Berkley Wellness
Letter, an Irish study of sedentary people in
their mid- forties, short periods of activity
can yield the same physical and psychological
benefits as longer workouts.

They compared the effects of one brisk 30
minute walk with three brisk 10 minute walks
that were spread out during the day. Both
groups participated 5 days a week for six weeks.
Both groups showed similar improvement in blood
cholesterol levels and aerobic ability.

Also there were decreases in tension and anxiety
in both groups. And they concluded, that as in
previous studies, the total number of calories
that are expended in physical activity seems to
be the most important factor!

We found another activity and caffeine related
Article in Bottom Line newsletter that was
interesting. It said that if you drink coffee
or tea 90 minutes before your activity, the
caffeine stimulates the release of free fatty
acids, which the body uses for energy during

This leads to fat loss. The recommended amount
was about 200 milligrams of caffeine which is
about one mug of coffee or three cups of black

As always check with your doctor before adding
anything or activity to your weight loss program.

Also, we need to keep our activity as an important
part of our weight loss program during this time
when food is so abundantly a part of everything
we do. It is the help we need to use up those
extra calories from those special foods that we
might choose to eat in the weeks to come.

Here's to slimming down and feeling great!


(If you would like to check out Lillie Rosses site for yourself, click on the title of the post.)

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

A new week

Week two and i'm off to a great start. A big check in all 3 columns regarding food, exercise and water. It's been a struggle though. It's the end of the pay week and the food left in my house is unappealing. I struggled through yesterday but i almost gave into temptation and opened a bag of cornchips i have put away. Almost, but haven't.

When does it get better?

I have heard that it takes 28 days to form a habit, but i have no knowledge of this being true when it comes to myself. I'll have to menu plan tomorrow. I know my best chance of success for losing the next 10kg is to plan, it's just something i'm a little sucky at. I think i'll have pita bread pizzas on Friday night, when we normally have some sort of takeaway. That way i wont be swayed from my healthier choices like i sometimes am when i am confonted by the menu board. Now what was that saying about not needing willpower, we need Wontpower? Does it come in a can? Coz i'd buy some of that.:)


Low fat protein bar recipe


40g Rolled Oats
35g Whey Protein (I use Chocolate)
20ml Honey or 'Set' Honey
20ml Water


Add oats and whey into a bowl and mix together by hand.

If using 'set' honey, put into the microwave for 30 seconds to soften

Drizzle honey onto the oats mix

Add water to the mixture

Mix together thoroughly by hand

Add more water if necessary but you dont want it to go gooey

Shape it into bar form and either eat straight away or refrigerate for an hour or so to harden.

Nutritional Info

Calories - 339
Protein - 35g
Carbs - 43g
Fat - 3g

Thursday, November 12, 2009

See that skinny girl, that was me.

Sorting through some junk had me coming across some old photos. My kids were stunned to learn that 'mummy really was skinny' and no, she hadn't been spinning a yarn whenever she said that 'she was skinny when she was younger'. So that got me thinking. What would i tell younger me when the expansion began?

I know exactly when that moment occured. I was between 15 and 16 and it was the first year of not doing my hobbies. I was a size 10-12 on my bottom half and a size 14-16 (big chest had me covering up in the baggies) top half. My mother had noticed that with some of my allowance i was buying a lot of junkfood and that my stomach was a little podgier than before and that even though it was, so far, no big deal, if i didn't watch out i would stack on the weight. You see, my mother also has a weight problem although she is a lot smaller now than she used to be. I don't think she said it with any ill intent but it seems that that was the one way in which i would rebel and i did the normal teenage thing and went on the defensive. I started buying my junk food on the way to school, and if i bought something on the way home then i would just have to make sure it was finished before i got there. By the way, the shop is less than 800 steps from my old house, (My first foray into exercise had me counting steps and upping them by 1000 every week so counting my paces whilst i was walking was a constant thing then.) so that was some quick eating. This is also the point where my coke (cola) addiction began.

(Wow, reading this as i'm typing shows me where my bingeing behaviour started.)

I don't blame my mother.....she had my best interests at heart but i wish i could just go and shake younger me and tell her to wake up and smell the twistie powder, I was forming bad habits and i needed to learn about moderation. Skip forward a year and when i was upset and miserable about my weight i should have asked my mother for help in shifting it. Thats the best piece of advice i always give to mothers who are worrying about thier childrens weight....that I, and those mothers who also have a weight problem know how hard it is to stay good, and how much easier it would be to hand over all the control over the decisions of what to put into our mouths to someone who isn't dealing with a 'rumbly tumbly' or food cravings. How much easier it is to be told to eat what is put in front of you than 'No, i really shouldn't make a creamy pasta, deep fry my chips or have cream with my piece of triple choc cake. (For the record, only the hot chips part are my thing :D )

But did i ask my mother for help?

Of course not.

What have i learned from these past reflections? Not 'how not to binge' because i still have problems with this from time to time. Not 'how to ask for help' because i haven't, even now, gone to see a doctor about making sure i don't have any medical issues that he can help with that may ease some of the burden of my battle. Not even, ashamedly, the right/wrong way of bringing up future problems with my own daughters. I nag when i see them eating crap food too often, or when they've had one too many sugary soft drinks. I nag them when they are lounging about the house instead of being up and outside and moving. I haven't even learned to practise what i preach and remove most of the unhealthy food from the house so that my children only have access to healthy treats and the healthy meals i put in front of them. I'm aware that i may cause my daughters to follow the same path as me if i don't watch my wording carefully and i go out of my way to phrase things just right. I let them know that they can tell me if they think i am being too harsh on them and that my 'careful phrasing' is still hurtful.......

Right now i think that the most positive thing that i can and am doing is to point the the girl in the picture and say - See that skinny girl, that was me.


Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Day 2 in blogland.

Well i'm feeling very positive about how i am progressing and I hope this feeling sticks around for a while. I'm having fun experimenting with my page. It's like moving furniture around without the effort.

There's 2 more days till weigh in and i'm not sure how i'll go. I wasn't fully 'into it' over the weekend and what with the heat i feel very fluidy. I need to make sure that whatever happens i don't let it ruin my next week, and to not dwell on it and let it ruin the next 2 days. After all.....who knows.


P.S Re; Inspiration section
Don't pay attention to my inspirational posts at the moment. I'm bookmarking any site that looks interesting and plan on thoroughly checking them out over the next week.

urggg, arggg

Another gym session over and done with and all i can say is - refer to title.

Isn't there supposed to be a button to turn the heat down while we heat our bodies up? If not, point me to the suggestion box coz i have some suggesting to do. :)

Oh well, it's my own fault really. If i didn' t let 'somebody' get to me then i wouldn't have hidden from the world, my scales, and the gym for a month and i would be handling this better. Back straight, shoulders back, smile in place.....check, check and check. Positive thoughts - I am back to working out, my food is alright and i'm looking at new ways to keep the wheels turning, hence the new blog. I've also made myself a motivational wall where i can keep track of my goals and successes, another thing to keep me focused. I can't tell you if it's working though, it's only been a couple of days, let's not get ahead of ourselves.

On an unrelated topic....i know $1 in the thought wavering jar, ( very wavering as it turns out. I'll have to edit the thought in when i remember it again :0 )

Well, back to the original topic, working out in this heat is quite uncomfortable. Besides the fact that i am sweaty before i even walk in the door, halfway through my circuit i'm too scared to lift my arms over my head everytime the fans turn my way as it would be a little mortifying to watch people making p-eww faces and pinching their noses. I mean, serveral times i've nearly knocked myself out when my arms have been flapping about and the wind is  just right - just wrong?.

The good thing about the heat is that i am craving salads (though unfortunately bread as well) and drinking plenty of water. My head knows that water is part of the basic weightloss forumla for every body, it's just hard to convince my former coke-aholic tastebuds to comply. Thank god for coke zero, though next week is the restart of the no softdrink during the week regime. Wait, i think i hear something......it sounded like 4 children trying to come up with reasonable excuses as to why they shouldn't have to forgo the sugary sweet stuff and drink more of that non tasting see through liquid. Well all but the youngest who prefers water most of the time as well as carrot sticks. Hello reincarnated weightloss consultant. She's excellent at the ' you look really good, you can really see the difference'  spiel. Kids, you gotta love them.

*sigh* Still no closer to remembering my wandering thought. It must've been a lie. Alright i'll end here and come back to it when/IF i remember.

Till next time



Tuesday, November 10, 2009

After a short and relatively painfree labour, welcome to the world - Life on the downsize.

Not another weightloss blog???

Yes, sorry.

My weightloss has started to stagnate of late and i figured it was time to try something new in the hopes i'd 'keep on keeping on'. Many successful 'losers' have found that spewing forth their thoughts and feelings helps them resolve their issues and vent their frustrations. 

So what does the world have to gain from my insights?

Probably nothing, hopefully the realisation that I, and others like me are not alone. Hopeful we all have something to lose.....our excess weight. Other than that, maybe i just like to hear the sound of my own voice - or is that the typing of my own keys? (shhhh, it's a secret.Keep it to yourslef okay?)

It's time to get moving.  I'm tired of the same old, same old.



EDIT: I am adding old blogs from CK to this blog page as it is much easier to access old blogs in this format and i would prefer to have them all in the one spot for times i need to read back through to find my mojo.
Anything prior to this date has been copied and pasted from CalorieKing, but i have found a way to backdate them to keep them in order :)