Quote of the week.

~What would you attempt if you knew you could not fail?

~ (I don't know)

With a little help from....

as well as.....

Who am i?

My photo
I'm a wife and a mother of 4. I began my 'journey' at 149+ kilos. 8 weeks ago i finally broke the magical barrier of 130 that had confounded me for so long and weighed in at 129.2. Stupid me though, i self sabotaged again and let family issues close me off to the world and i am now 134.6 again and rareing to do anything it takes to get back into new territory.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

A wonderful christmas present.

I weighed in a day early....drum roll please--------128.8.

Thats a loss of 600g this week but it's my second week in the 20's which i haven't accomplised before and  it's also a new weight number for me ( though i must have passed it on the way up).

Now to get through my christmas day, boxing day and NYE without going back into the 30's.

I've been ever so good. Got up and went to the gym this morning at some ungodly hour. My body refused to wake up but i wouldn't give in and go home. I haven't partaked of any of the delicious goodies i have been baking this last week and i have even made healthier versions where possible or just substituting any ingredients for the lower cal/fat versions other than that.

I haven't had a single sausage roll.........or almond brittle........or chocolate cherry bite (drool) And now my turkey is cooking and my stomach has to be satisfied with a measly carrot and onion sandwich - on multigrain of course :)

Oh well, only 1 more day to go.

MERRY CHRISTMAS to all and if i don't hear from you before have a HAPPY NEW YEAR.

Please stay safe.




~You're only young once, but you can be immature forever

~ (I don't know)

Friday, December 18, 2009

Soooooo close.

I a 20's girl :) I'll start celebrating when i can stay a 20's girl for 3 straight weeks. An 800g loss helped me out this week. Nothing to be sneezed at but i am 100g off of officially having lost 20kg on CK - Whoa....check out all the of/of/of, could have been a major spelling collision :P

The other thing is that i now have less than 50 kilos to lose.....just, but it's true. That hasn't sunk in yet, in fact the loss this week hasn't really hit me. No strutting around feeling on top of the world, more like it's a normal day. hopefully that bodes well for staying on the straight and narrow next week.

I will have a few quiet ones tonight, but nothing major and after all the exercise i have put in today and with going bread free today with my tuna salad i am still in negative cals. I think i may have to have a protein bar, no wonder i am feeling a bit tired, though with this time of the year it is to be expected.

Anywho - TGIF everyone. Be good this weekend, and if you can't.....be good at it :laugh5:


Tuesday, December 15, 2009

A new day

(This blog carries on from yesterdays)

I feel great again I picked myself up from my computer chair, ate my protein bar, dropped the kids off at school and went to the gym. I decided to face evil, step on the scales and find out what damage i have to undo this week. 1.1kg. Not so much when i factor in fluid retention - which should be at least 500g. Now this means i need a 900g loss to break the barrier this week. Again, if i put in the hard work on both the nutrition and exercise fronts then that is a walk in the park ( lol, i just jinxed myself ) but we all know that bodies don't always work the way you want them to just because this week you have done the 'right thing'

I'm happy - sort of, that i managed to catch myself in time and not allow a full weekend of crap eating, otherwise it would be worse and there would be no way i could make goal. But i pushed myself hard through my workout - even got a couple of compliments and i ate well throughout the day and stayed away from the dreaded breads and drank all my fluids which awoke me twice during the night to have extra pees.

Like i said, i feel great again.....Very positive and i just wish i could rub up against everyone so that my good feelings are shared. (please think of a cat or dog for that sentence )



Monday, December 14, 2009

Damn weekends

Why do i do it?

As of Friday i was 300g off my mini goal of being back in the 20's. I fully expected a big happy dance this coming Friday as it's fairly easy to lose 300g as long as you try....right?

Roll on the weekend and it finds me pigging out big time with nothing stopping those evil inner voices who shout out 'I DON'T CARE!' Bacon and cheese rolls, meat pie, cream biscuits, doughnuts......... and that was just Saturday. I started off well on Sunday by taking a protein bar and water to cricket but it ran over a little bit so by the time i got home i was famished and all thoughts of a chicken salad for lunch were forgotten as i reached for another meat pie that could be ready in a couple of minutes :(

Thankfully for me i decided to log the calories as i knew i would have to do some calorie cycling to try and minimise the damage and when i logged my particular brand of pie in i found it to be only 12g of fat and not the normal 30+g, so i managed to save yesterday with a good choice for dinner.

Damn! I'm sabotaging myself on these damn 20's again, I stop fighting those voices and don't even try talking myself out of things. I don't know what i am frightened of. I have 2 weeks left to get to my mini goal as i set myself the task of being in the 20's by christmas ( a lovely christmas present) and with allowing myself christmas day and boxing day to partake of the treats - within reason, and then only New Years Eve so i can celebrate with bubbly among friends i hope to still be in the 20's come New Years Day. That of course would've been easier if i was a couple of kilos into the 20's by christmas.

OK done. All the bad energy is spewed out and it's time to stop wallowing and get on with this week. I have felt the switch change from gimme, gimme, gimme to head down, bum up which i guess is a positive note. Considering my old free weekends used to run through Mondays and into Tuesdays sometimes.

I hope everyone else had a better weekend than i did.



Sunday, December 6, 2009

I'm a binger :(

Boy - O - Boy

I'm halfway done with reading back through my old blogs and this is what i've come up with.

I'm the master of the schemes. How many schemes/plans of action have i come up with to try and get things flowing nicely this year???

Too Damn Many!

And i'm still barely moving. I think the biggest shock was re-reading that i was 134kg  Oct '07. I had felt that i had at least lost something in '08 because i remember starting the year around 137ish. I don't remember what weight i ended the year but thought i had at least lost a few kilos. Same with this year.

I know this year has been hard. Hubby has been out of work for most of it and it's been a struggle keeping up with all the household and school bills. The shopping has sometimes...who am i kidding, many times been sacrificed. Cheap sausages, frozen pies, frozen hamburgers plus too much bread have some weeks been the staple.

The main annoyance has been that i have put in some great work this year. My cms have decreased so that i am a dress size smaller and i have even entered virgin weight territory. But then  i sort of give up and all my hard work gets undone and i think i latch on to any and all excuses to give up :-

* The in laws are causing problems again - ahhhh take a break.

* I literally worked my ass off for 6 weeks straight - i deserve abreak.

The last line is where i came up with my title. I'm a binger. I have been sabotaging myself with my all or nothing attitude.

I've recently read that people who overeat or binge on food, have binging personalities that flow into many aspects of their lives.

I'm a binger!

* i do have times where i binge on food....and whilst i'm confessing, i'll finally confess To Myself that i have a problem with food (i'll go there later).

* I binge on housework.....I'm not a perfect housewife. There's so many other things i'd rather be doing and my house is usually cluttered tidy. Every so often i'll go through a stage where i can't stop scrubbing and vacuming or sweeping so there is no spick or speck for weeks or even months at a time.

*Healthy binging.....Even being a good little thamlore comes in binge periods. Some weeks i'm Ohhhh soooo good and not a morsel of crap passes my lips, but then there are times that i am absolutely horrid and i completely give up. My water intake is the same. Nothing but H2O all day every day and then weeks where i can't even force myself to drink more than a glass.

* Exercise binging.....Normally i exercise 3-5 days per week with the intensity ranging from sweating like a pig to slightly lagging. then there are the times where i exercise 5-7 times a week and each day see me focused like a mad women, pushing through any and all pain and so focused on a goal that when i look up after reaching it i am completely lost, and then i take a break.

SO. I believe i have a bingers personality. How do i correct it?  I'm pretty certain that fixing just my eating habits wont work.  I have no idea what to do. So i'll just take it one day at a time and see how it goes. Go back to the early days when i didn't have to be perfect everyday and i incorperated little treats into my daily cal allowance. The rest i'll have to figure out as i go along.



Tuesday, December 1, 2009

November Challenge

November is over, and the results are in.


To drink 8 glasses of water per day, including weekends.

Week beginning 16th: **XXXXX

Week beginning 23rd: *****XX

Week beginning 30th: X

NB: This challenge began halfway through the month of November.

The loss for the month.....1.8kg:-

Week one: -13th Nov 09-0.2

Week two: -16th Nov 09-1.6

Week three: -27th Nov 09-No weigh in. TTOTM

Time to get on with the December challenge.