Boy - O - Boy
I'm halfway done with reading back through my old blogs and this is what i've come up with.
I'm the master of the schemes. How many schemes/plans of action have i come up with to try and get things flowing nicely this year???
Too Damn Many!
And i'm still barely moving. I think the biggest shock was re-reading that i was 134kg Oct '07. I had felt that i had at least lost something in '08 because i remember starting the year around 137ish. I don't remember what weight i ended the year but thought i had at least lost a few kilos. Same with this year.
I know this year has been hard. Hubby has been out of work for most of it and it's been a struggle keeping up with all the household and school bills. The shopping has sometimes...who am i kidding, many times been sacrificed. Cheap sausages, frozen pies, frozen hamburgers plus too much bread have some weeks been the staple.
The main annoyance has been that i have put in some great work this year. My cms have decreased so that i am a dress size smaller and i have even entered virgin weight territory. But then i sort of give up and all my hard work gets undone and i think i latch on to any and all excuses to give up :-
* The in laws are causing problems again - ahhhh take a break.
* I literally worked my ass off for 6 weeks straight - i deserve abreak.
The last line is where i came up with my title. I'm a binger. I have been sabotaging myself with my all or nothing attitude.
I've recently read that people who overeat or binge on food, have binging personalities that flow into many aspects of their lives.
I'm a binger!
* i do have times where i binge on food....and whilst i'm confessing, i'll finally confess To Myself that i have a problem with food (i'll go there later).
* I binge on housework.....I'm not a perfect housewife. There's so many other things i'd rather be doing and my house is usually cluttered tidy. Every so often i'll go through a stage where i can't stop scrubbing and vacuming or sweeping so there is no spick or speck for weeks or even months at a time.
*Healthy binging.....Even being a good little thamlore comes in binge periods. Some weeks i'm Ohhhh soooo good and not a morsel of crap passes my lips, but then there are times that i am absolutely horrid and i completely give up. My water intake is the same. Nothing but H2O all day every day and then weeks where i can't even force myself to drink more than a glass.
* Exercise binging.....Normally i exercise 3-5 days per week with the intensity ranging from sweating like a pig to slightly lagging. then there are the times where i exercise 5-7 times a week and each day see me focused like a mad women, pushing through any and all pain and so focused on a goal that when i look up after reaching it i am completely lost, and then i take a break.
SO. I believe i have a bingers personality. How do i correct it? I'm pretty certain that fixing just my eating habits wont work. I have no idea what to do. So i'll just take it one day at a time and see how it goes. Go back to the early days when i didn't have to be perfect everyday and i incorperated little treats into my daily cal allowance. The rest i'll have to figure out as i go along.